The NEW Transformers Movie: Transformers 3 Coming 2011

So I finally got around to watching the new Transformers Movie and I’ve got to say, I’m disappointed. Let’s do a quick recap just so we know where we are.

The first Transformers movie had Sam (Shia Lebeouf) purchasing first car and somehow ending up with the transformer named Bumblebee. He was on earth because the Autobots were trying to fight the Decepticons who had hidden the spark of life, a cube called the All Spark on earth (isn’t it funny how all these advanced races seem to find earth so fascinating that they feel they must visit here and hide stuff here even though they think of us as puny humans who are so worthless of their time and consideration that we ought to be considered like ants?). At the end of the first movie, readers will recall, the All Spark was destroyed when Sam rammed it into the chest of Megatron, the leader of the Decepticons.

Fast forward two years and Sam is now off to college while the Autobots are busy destroying what is left of the Decepticons. Little do the Autobots know however that the Decepticons have a plan and have had one all along. Another source of ultimate power exists on earth, a machine which will snuff out our sun and kill all of humanity, but would be good for the Decepticons because they can build a new army and destroy everything in site.

Now the one good thing is that the special effects are awesome. Lots of stuff blows up, there are many more transformers on earth now and several of them are transformers pets, including dogs and what can only be described as a vacuum dragon. But that is about as far as it goes.

The acting is bad and story line is worse. In the new Transformers movie, all the information the Decepticons need in order to make their plan a reality is transmitted over an open comm line where they can easily intercept it and it is done by none other than a total moron who is apparently taking order directly from President Obama (they make a brief mention in the beginning of the movie of Obama being moved to a secure location). Frankly, if this idiot was really representative of the Obama administration, the Iranians would be laughing at us when we approach them regarding nuclear weapons (oh wait, they are anyway). The movie meanders on, trying to make a point, but utterly failing to do so. Somehow Optimus is the only one who can defeat the new leader of the Decepticons, known as the Fallen, but we are never told why, just that only he can do it. Because he can punch harder than any other Autobot? Your guess is as good as mine.

With a plot full of holes, horrible acting and terribly clichéd story lines, the new Transformers Movie is worth a pass.

Transformers 3 Movie Trailer

So when can we expect to see the Transformers 3 movie trailer? That is the question on everyone’s minds these days as the fallout from Transformers 2 continues.

For those who are just joining us in the land of the Autobots and the Decepticons, the first Transformers movie was a hit so they tried again with a second installment, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Unfortunately, what it should have been called is Transformers: How Low We’ve Fallen. The movie was a huge flop with lots of problems with the acting and the screen writing (the writers are claiming it’s not their fault – they blame the writers strike which made them hurry to do the job in time for filming. I say no excuse – Star Trek II was filmed as it was being written and it stands out as one of the best SciFi films of all time.).

In spite of that, the studio has determined that there will be a Transformers 3 and they have commanded that such will be in theaters for July 4, 2011. There is no word yet on a story line for the movie, but so far several people involved in the first two movies are balking at rushing into the third. Director Michael Bay put a note on his blog insisting he wants a break from the talking cars and planes world and screen writers Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman are rumored by SlashFilm to be mulling a pass on writing the next movie.

In an interesting development, SlashFilm has heard rumors that Leonard Nimoy may do the voice for the Fallen in the third Transformers epic. It would be pretty cool to hear his voice in the Transformers 3 movie trailers, but we’ll have to wait to see how things pan out.

Rotten Tomatoes had an interesting interview with Transformers producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura who has assured us that despite Bay’s statements to the contrary, he “can’t imagine Transformers without Michael Bay,” so it seems that the studio is going to have its work cut out for it in order to get him back on board because they seem pretty adamant that they want a 2011 release.

Exactly when of course filming will begin is anyone’s guess. If the studio has it’s way, the movie could get underway shortly in which case it won’t be long before the Transformers 3 movie trailer is out for us to see. But the key question as I said is Michael Bay. Bonaventura wants him but he wants a breather. Who’s opinion will reign supreme? Stay tuned to find out.

Transformers 2

Well the newest Transformers movie, Transformers: Rise of the Fallen (aka Transformers 2) has come and gone from the theaters and will likely be available in DVDs at your favorite video rental service and or DVD store like Best Buy (whichever ones are left since the Great Recession began). But for those who missed it in the theaters and want to know what all the fuss was about, here’s a synopsis and my opinion on the movie:

It’s been two years since the events chronicled in the original transformers movie. Sam is trying to be a normal kid again and go to college. His girlfriend is still a grease monkey and the Autobots, under the command of Optimus Prime are now fighting to clean up the earth from the last of the Decepticons. Little do they know that the Decepticons have a plan of their own. They are determined to fulfill their original mission to destroy the earth and they’ve found a new way of accomplishing that objective.

Okay, if you haven’t seen the movie and you want to, I’ll ask you to stop reading here. First, because I’m going to give away lots of spoilers you likely wouldn’t get just from seeing the trailer and secondly because by the time you finish reading this, unless you are a die hard fan, you may not want to see the movie anymore.

First, most of the original cast is back including Shia LeBeouf and Megan Fox. And they definitely do make some smoke on the screen together (and I’m not just talking about things blowing up, but that happens too). Even agent Simmons is back, although he now smears cream cheese for a living in a bagel shop (before heading off to Egypt to battle Decepticons once again).

Now I’m not one to complain, but the writers of this movie seemed to be the epitome of amateur writers, creating a story full of holes and using plot devices that are so bad they make Plan 9 From Outer Space look like a cleverly written movie. First, every single detail the Decepticons need to know, where Megatron is, where the last sliver of the All Spark is, exactly how it’s being hidden is transmitted over and open channel by some buffoon from the President’s office who is determined to shut down the cooperation program with the Autobots. This is known as the ‘As you know Bob’ mistake. There is no one this guy is talking to who doesn’t know all these things. Even the audience, if we’ve seen the original movie knows these things, but it’s all said so that the Decepticons can conveniently intercept the message. Really guys? I could write a better story than that in my sleep. What do they pay you to make up a plot device that obvious?

Then we get into resurrection. The sliver of the All Spark is stolen and used to revive Megatron. Never mind that the sea pressure where he was dumped was supposed to have crushed his body. The Decepticons in Transformers 2 are now immune to that it would seem. Okay, I’ll buy that. But another sliver just happens to turn up at Sam’s home (two years later — yeah, because he never got around to straightening up and never touched his clothing from that day for two years — way to go writers. Good job). When Optimus is killed however, no one can seem to put two and two together and figure out that the sliver should be able to revive Optimus the same way it revived Megatron. In fact, the second sliver is a pretty useless plot point which is used instead to revive a different transformer, an oldster who used to be a Decepticon but changes sides.

It gets sillier. Like I said, agent Simmons now runs a bagel shop, but also has a super secret stash under the shop where he has all his old high tech equipment and all the super top secret files stored. Uh huh.

Basically, Transformers 2 just fails to deliver on almost every level. Yes, there is another fight to death and yes there are plenty of explosions, but with a plot so weak that a 5 year old could find the flaws in it, you really need to be into those explosions not to be bored by this movie.

Transformers 2 Movie

The Transformers 2 movie recently came and went from movie theaters and frankly, I don’t see that there was a point to it coming out at all. If you haven’t seen it and want to, please just stop here. There is no point in continuing to read this article because first of all, I’m going to give away the plot of the movie (or lack of one as the case may be) and secondly, I’m going to trash the movie so badly, you won’t want to see it anymore.

Michael Bay came back to direct this film and the one thing he did right was to have tons of cool special effects. For example, there is one robot monster apparently even has balls (it is referred to by Agent Simmons as a scrotum — and yes, he’s back; more on that later). Bay also apparently decided to take a page straight from the Terminator movies even though we have never seen a transformer who looked like a human being and in point of fact, in the entire original animated Transformers series, there has never been a transformer that turned itself into a person. That didn’t stop Bay however from bringing in a female seductress for Sam (Shia LeBeouf) to be caught in a compromising position with. She gets him on the bed just as his girlfriend shows up to rescue him.

Of course just to make sure Mikala (Megan Fox) isn’t left without some booty, we have a toy car Decepticon who apparently is into the whole S&M scene. She burns out one of his eyes but he later pledges his fealty to her, declaring that he has switched sides to the Autobots and by the way, I’m going to hump your leg now.

Did I mention by the way that in the Transformers 2 movie, Bumblebee has apparently lost the ability to speak? Readers will recall that at the end of the first movie he regained speech and told Optimus he wanted to stay with Sam. But his speech apparently has been lost again and explained by Sam simply commenting that “oh, you’re having problems with your speech again.”

The story revolves around an ancient machine the Decepticons built to harvest suns in order to power the All Spark. Optimus Prime, who presumably would know something about it, conveniently dies before he can tell us and we need to rely on an old Decepticon to tell us instead. Although even he doesn’t know the details.

Apparently, the original Decepticon, The Fallen is hiding somewhere in our solar system and wants to snuff out our sun. He can only be defeated by a Prime and Optimus dies so we know he can’t be defeated. That is until Optimus is brought back to life by an ancient device the Primes left behind. Why only a Prime can defeat him, we are left to ponder. Optimus doesn’t seem to do anything special in order to defeat The Fallen, but let us be certain, whatever it was that wasn’t special, he’s the only one who could do it.

Oh, and by the way, this time Agents Simmons needs to save the world after being rescued from working with his mother in a bagel shop in New York. Yup. That makes real sense.

The Transformers 2 movie should be on DVD by the time you read this. I wouldn’t bother renting it though.

Transformers 3

So when oh when will the new Transformer 3 come out? That’s still anyone’s guess. My question is, should a Transformers 3 come out at all? Well there have been some developments that are positive when we talk about the universe of cars turning into robots. Let’s first talk a bit about the previous movie.

Transformers 2, aka Transformers Revenge of the Fallen was released this past summer and was meant to be a major blockbuster. Instead, it ranks right up there with Plan 9 from Outer Space, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (Dance of the Double Chainsaws anyone?) and The Stuff. In other words, it was one of the worst movies ever made. Okay, the action and special effects were good, but the screenplay was awful and so was the acting. The movie had so many holes and so many cliches that it was a walking talking example of how not to make a movie.

Now director Michael Bay has said that he doesn’t want to jump right into making another Transformers movie. He wants to take a break from the talking robots and make a smaller movie. I say good for him. Please don’t destroy this franchise any more than you already have. Even better news, according to a posting in the Don Murphy forums, Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtman may take a pass on the new Transformers movie also (although they are working on the new Star Trek — if they manage to do something like Transformers 2, heaven help all us Trekkies).

Now the other news is that Paramount still wants to milk this cow while the milk is fresh. They’ve announced that the new Transfomers movie will arrive in theaters in July 2011. Makes sense for them. Get ‘em while there is still some interest in the film. Not that there is going to be much anyway after the disaster they released this past summer, but hey, gotta get something, right?

On the other hand, Transformers 3 would be entering a very crowded summer with Harry Potter’s final installment coming out at almost the same time and the newest super hero film about Captain America (what I want to know is when we’re going to see a revival of Wonder Woman?). This may be a good reason for Paramount pictures to postpone the launch for another year. Not to mention that it would give everyone a breather and maybe a chance to come up with a decent story.

In other news regarding Transformers 3, there is a rumor that Leonard Nimoy may be tapped for the third installment as the voice of the Fallen. One hopes his voice over would be better than the wooden performance he gave in the revived Star Trek film.