Transformers 2 Movie

The Transformers 2 movie recently came and went from movie theaters and frankly, I don’t see that there was a point to it coming out at all. If you haven’t seen it and want to, please just stop here. There is no point in continuing to read this article because first of all, I’m going to give away the plot of the movie (or lack of one as the case may be) and secondly, I’m going to trash the movie so badly, you won’t want to see it anymore.

Michael Bay came back to direct this film and the one thing he did right was to have tons of cool special effects. For example, there is one robot monster apparently even has balls (it is referred to by Agent Simmons as a scrotum — and yes, he’s back; more on that later). Bay also apparently decided to take a page straight from the Terminator movies even though we have never seen a transformer who looked like a human being and in point of fact, in the entire original animated Transformers series, there has never been a transformer that turned itself into a person. That didn’t stop Bay however from bringing in a female seductress for Sam (Shia LeBeouf) to be caught in a compromising position with. She gets him on the bed just as his girlfriend shows up to rescue him.

Of course just to make sure Mikala (Megan Fox) isn’t left without some booty, we have a toy car Decepticon who apparently is into the whole S&M scene. She burns out one of his eyes but he later pledges his fealty to her, declaring that he has switched sides to the Autobots and by the way, I’m going to hump your leg now.

Did I mention by the way that in the Transformers 2 movie, Bumblebee has apparently lost the ability to speak? Readers will recall that at the end of the first movie he regained speech and told Optimus he wanted to stay with Sam. But his speech apparently has been lost again and explained by Sam simply commenting that “oh, you’re having problems with your speech again.”

The story revolves around an ancient machine the Decepticons built to harvest suns in order to power the All Spark. Optimus Prime, who presumably would know something about it, conveniently dies before he can tell us and we need to rely on an old Decepticon to tell us instead. Although even he doesn’t know the details.

Apparently, the original Decepticon, The Fallen is hiding somewhere in our solar system and wants to snuff out our sun. He can only be defeated by a Prime and Optimus dies so we know he can’t be defeated. That is until Optimus is brought back to life by an ancient device the Primes left behind. Why only a Prime can defeat him, we are left to ponder. Optimus doesn’t seem to do anything special in order to defeat The Fallen, but let us be certain, whatever it was that wasn’t special, he’s the only one who could do it.

Oh, and by the way, this time Agents Simmons needs to save the world after being rescued from working with his mother in a bagel shop in New York. Yup. That makes real sense.

The Transformers 2 movie should be on DVD by the time you read this. I wouldn’t bother renting it though.